8 days of non stop

but in a good way....but am falling asleep on my feet. literally. i was doing 'homework' for the 'stbh' (soon to be husband) and i's premarital class last night and literally fell asleep with the pencil in my hand....i just started my new job after being off work for 9 months--so 8 days in a row is a lot for me....im a nurse and have only worked in a hospital. now my job is in a nursing home. whoa. competely different world. a bit overwhelming at times, but i love it. never a dull moment...there are some feisty ones....but i love getting to know, truly know the resident, their quirkyness, their life story. today we had a confused resident call a cab to 'take them to 8 street.' we never found out who it was....someone trying to escape....

a little about myself to you newbies to my little bloggy....i am a mom of two kiddies. girls. 'M' is 8 and one 'R' is 4. they are my life, and my life never really began until them....some days they drive me crazy, but hey-whats life without craziness, right? i sometimes long for some alone time, but when i get it, im bored out of my mind and miss them terribly....crazy how it works that way. but other day, i enjoy a half hour of peace and quiet....M is extremely gifted, and i am not just saying that as a 'mom'-she has a photographic memory and recently had IQ testing and scored on the very above average for her age. yeah, kinda bragging, but her intelligence, mostly her memory blows me away. its crazy. she is super out going and will talk your ear off given the opportunity :). R is my little hippie child. snuggle bug to the max. total free spirit and just goes with the flow. shes a daddy's girl to the max. its crazy how they are so different, but so alike..... i am getting married in 2 1/2 months to my best friend and soul mate-my childhood sweetheart. we have a really neat, story. it would take forever to tell it, but someday i may just do that.....

i live in the cheese state. lived in atlanta for 7 years-freshman year in high school to 2001, so i consider that my home as well. and miss it dearly.....i love to pretend i can 'be one of the boys'...you know play football-which i can do pretty good, mind you. i like to mow the lawn-well sometimes, and watch football. i can be pretty feisty and love to dish it out-and take it just as well. im blunt and will tell you how it is, not afraid to speak my mind. sometimes tactfully, sometimes not. depends on my mood...and if i like you or not. ;) but....i am also one of the most compassionate, emotional people you will ever meet. i want to make a difference in peoples lives, an impact-in a good way. i love my profession and knowing that even if cant change the world, i know i can make a difference in peoples lives-and thats what drives me. there are bad days at work where i come home and wonder why i do what i do-bc my job isnt a job where i can 'just pack up and leave'. its so emotionally and physically draining at times, and to say that you dont get attached to your patients in some way is impossible. these are lives you are dealing with....and i am responsible for helping keeping them alive, and in some cases, helping them be comfortable in the last days of their lives.....but then there are the days that i affect me so greatly-when the families are so appreciative of the care and hard work you do, or you have a break thru with a difficult patient-or something that just makes it worth it. and i go home, remembering why i do what i do.

note-i fell asleep writing this last night.....and woke up this morning at 5am with my computer laying next to me.....guess i was tired.... :) and with a bunch of letters on the screen where i must have dozed off......hehe. anyway, ill end it here for today. i finally have the next 2 days off, so i am going to chill out and relax, especially since i feel a nasty cold coming on....eh. new germ exposure i suppose.....my immune system taking a hit.....

you know i love you....xoxo



am fret a

deleting this blog...

well.....folks.

apparently im pissing off certain someones, so im going anonyomous.....i will be starting a 'new' blog using aliases and such to 'protect' those parties involved so not to piss anyone off.....who knew a simple blog could cause such ripples. huh. anyway, if you would like to follow, pls send me an email, with your emai, and i will send you the link-and pls include your name-so i know who YOU are.....

ill keep this page up for a few days....

email: tbanda@new.rr.com


ciao!

google ads

so-notice the google sense ads? they earn me money when you visit them.....(hint hint).....this is wedding fund money. so feel free to click away....even if its just for my cause :)

and of course, they are such great ads............right.

wedding stress is setting in....

crunch time is here folks.....3 months away.....

its been a while since i have posted about wedding stuff-mostly bc of the j-o-b situation, which has cramped the wedding budget significantly...we have cut costs sooo incredibly dramatically-in a good way we have found some major scores and deals, but our major stress right now is our guest list. which is reaking all kind of havoc. i have cut and cut and cut and it still isnt 'small' enough. we started with almost 300 (yikes) guests....i have a HUGE family-even just extending to my first cousins its over 120 people-not including any friends or kell's side....due to our budget cuts, we are having to do our dinner to about 150 people. i know its considered 'tacky' or taboo in this day in age to do weddings and not invite people to the dinner and then to the reception...but we dont know how else to do this???? and then there are out of town guests-you cant invite them to the wedding and NOT to the dinner, so its just frustrating.....we are down to about 190 guests but, and im certain that all 190 guests arent going to be able to make it....but do we just send out all dinner invites to 190 guests and 'hope' that we 'get lucky'??? or what??? ive heard of a 'plan b' back up invites for those who cant make it to the dinner and then sending additional invites out to 'reinvite' dinner invites out to those who were going to just be 'reception' invites-but i dont know how to time this or go about doing this....

so blog world, im reaching out to you....if you know how to do this, or have any creative ideas--PLEASE send them my way!! and in a hurry...we have to get our invites printed in the next couple weeks and all that jazz...

ramblings of an insomniac...

i deleted my midnight post.....i caused some ruckus.

so-i apologize if you were among the live ones who had to read that post, i was up until past 2 am with a major case of insomnia, my anxiety getting the worst of me....in which case incessant rambling occurred.

sometimes i let the best of my mind get to me, and it has been lately.....*sigh*


stinkin' crazy person i am. ;)

so-my deepest regret if you were among that read. all is okay. we are all healthy. promise. :) momma t just doin a bit too much thinkin in that brain of hers....

pardon my...

short leave of absence....its been a bit busy getting back into the swing of school....and, i am soooo sick. today is the first day i have gotten out of bed since sunday. blech. i dont know when the last time i was this sick....i havent started my new job yet, but i have orientation next week. woot! i am so excited to get back into 'that' swing of things....

blogger wouldnt let me log on today. it said 'there was suspicious activity on my account'. so i just spent the last half hour trying to figure out wth that was all about....maybe its bc i havent been on the computer in over a week....hm. i wonder what 'suspicious activity' entails.

emersyn is about to turn 4. i cannot believe she is almost 4. it seems like just yesterday i found out i was pregnant with her....i had a complicated pregnancy with her. my triple screens came back abnormal-the tests that can show potential birth defects such as neural tube defects, down syndrome, spinal bifida, etc....so at 20 weeks i had to see a perinatologist. kelly and i werent together during this time and i was so scared. the tests often give 'false positives', but it cant be determined until you have further testing....which of course just causes a lot of worrying and stress....i saw the perinatalogist-and he informed me that my little girl was healthy. there were no heart defects, no other problems. except that she was very small. and had a big belly. :) they told me she was going to be little. i never believed this. never. just bc kelly is pretty solidly built. a few weeks after this appointment, i got a kidney infection that landed me in the hospital for the weekend. typically-it can be managed at home, but since i was considered to be a 'high risk pregnancy' b/c of my abnormal triple screens, and uti's and kidney infections while you are pregnant can cause pre-term labor. at 24 weeks, i worked a night shift at the hospital and began to have chest pain. which was really odd. im not a 'heavy' person, and by this time i had only gained about 5 lbs. since i was at the hospital-and know all the doctors, i just plopped myself down to the ER, just to put myself onto the monitor. i began throwing up, and feeling just-sick. i finished my shift out at the hospital, and when i left in the morning, i called my OB/GYN. the dr. on call wanted me to go to the hospital, this time as an actual patient...i went to our 'sister' hospital, since it was closer to home and (heaven forbid) if anything happens, they have a NICU onsite. by then, my chest pain was gone, but i still didnt feel good. they sent me to the OB floor to be monitored, and lo and behold, i was having contractions. i couldnt feel them, but they were fairly consistent. they decided to 'check' me, just to make sure i wasnt dialating. i was. i was dialated at 1. so now, we were in a whole new ball game. i was only 24 weeks.....it was too soon to have this baby....i spent another weekend in the hospital, on multiple drugs to stop the preterm labor(i wouldnt wish magnesium sulfate on ANYONE). it seemed to 'subside' and i went home. on bedrest. STRICT bedrest. i couldnt even pick jaelynn up and carry her. i could only get up to pee. it sucked-but worth it. i went in every week for an ultrasound and a stress test. finally at 32 weeks, they took me off the strict bedrest. they continued to say emersyn was going to be 'small'. i still didnt believe this.....but....at my 36 week appt. they did an ultrasound, found that for some reason i had a larger than normal amount of amniotic fluid-which they said wasnt a big deal, but ALSO found that our 'little' emersyn was weighing in at over 8lbs.....

yeah. i called that one. so, technically, i had 4 weeks to go. but my dr. didnt want to wait-with all the issues throughout my pregnancy, and mostly-he said, he didnt want her to get any bigger.....he said my 'bone structure' was that of a small frame and would not be able to accomodate such a large baby.....(your telling me) so-we were going to induce the following week, at 37 1/2 weeks.

on the day of her delivery, i went in and they broke my water pretty much right away. i was already dialated at 2. when i have pain, i puke. i was doing okay, but all the sudden the contractions started coming fast and hard.....she checked me and i went from 2-8 in a matter of 15 minutes. they called for my epidural-which i recommend every mother should seriously consider. it took only on one side. so after an extra dose of epidural medicine-i was completely dialated. and super numb. my dr. came in to help deliver, but i was too numb to push.....so they turned off my epidural (yikes) and was going to come back once i had a 'little more feeling'....but.....as he started to walk out, emersyn's heart rate took a swan dive. now there was no choice. she had flipped herself over-they call it 'sunny side up' and had gotten the cord wrapped around her neck. all at once, there was a million people in the room. i was freaking out. this is one of those times, as a nurse, you wish you werent a nurse. bc you just know TOO much. i knew exactly what was happening and it wasnt good. they got the vacuum and forceps, and in a matter of seconds, she was out. all 8lbs. 4oz. of her. and she was beautiful.


so, long story. complicated pregnancy. complicated delivery.

healthy baby-priceless.

happy birthday baby girl.

mother knows best...

remember all those things you HATED hearing your mom (or dad) saying to you growing up- that were constantly repeated or didnt make sense, or maybe did, but you just didnt want to hear or admit it? or when your mom would say, 'some day you'll understand?' or how about,' its for you own good.' here we go:

'dont make that face or itll get stuck like that.'

'bc i said so, thats why'.

'i do it bc i love you.'

'lying will always get you in more trouble than telling the truth....' (heard that one A LOT)

'its not just about you.'

and not just the things they used to say, but the things they used to do, too. things you SWORE youd never do. you know, like make your kids clean their room if they didnt want do. how dare she! or demand respect. ugh! its crazy how much i am like my mom, and i mean it in the best possible way. shes taught me to fight for what i believe in. to stand up for myself. shes taught me to not be so stubborn, and will point out my faults to a t. shes not afraid to correct me when im wrong bc she wants me to be the BEST me i can be.

sure i know all that NOW.

now if i could get my eight year old child to understand that. and shes only eight......man.....