oversized sunglasses and tinted pink lipgloss

am currently bedded with 'la flu', again. yuk. the bad flu, you know the 'quick, run to the bathroom' kinda flu....no fun. so yeah, ended up working until after 8pm on my birthday...gr. had today off, in which kell and i were going to 'celebrate' by going hiking up at high cliff. didnt happen due to my current health status....*sigh*. kinda bummed.

so, we had GNO this weekend-it was sooo awesome. i actually fixed my hair, put on a little eyeshadow, dressed up cute and was on my way.... kelly walked in the door and looked at me and said, 'wow, you are so beautiful'. (aw, i know). so i get in my car and headed to meet with the girls. it was sunny and 30 out. *heat wave baby*** i put on my black oversized sunglasses and carefully applied my c.o. bigelow mentha-tinted lip gloss. cranked the tunes of chris brown up full blast and felt on top of the world....thinking, yeah you know it, i AM HOT! first time in a longgggg time that i felt that way....i realized that i need to do this more often! we painted pottery/mosaics at The Fire-which for all you locals-if you havent been there-you have GOT to check it out-its great. you can even bring in your own stuff to do. they also have glass fusing-which i cant wait to try....check it out... www.thefireartstudio.com. from there, we went to dinner at fratello's on the river. yum. then it was to ben and jessie's for some games-catch phrase is my all time fave....well, lets just say, game night never happend. but thats okay-it felt like high school all over again...sitting in jammies eating brownies, talking about makeup, hair, and of course-then men in our lives...now these girls are all married-so i am officially the only 'single' girl'...but thats okay....it was amazing. i havent laughed soo hard in a LONG time....i learned some *ahem* things i probably didnt need to learn about some of the hubbies, but all in great humor. i went home feeling beautiful and happy. and it all started with a little lip gloss and my oversized jackie o's.....

he loves me...

kelly hand delivered flowers to me at work. awww. how sweet. a lovely orchid plant-once again, my favorite. i enjoy this so much more than flowers that will die in a few days....and love his thoughtfulness.....*sigh*....

also got a kiss on the cheek by one of my favorite anesthesiologists. and serenaded with an off key version of 'happy birthday' in front of the whole staff.

how fun. i like to be the princess for a day :)

cheers!

been a minute.....yes, i know.

what can i say, my life is action packed...(whether i want it to be or not)...tomorrow is my birthday. eh. yay. dont i sound excited? *jumping for joy*. not so much. thats okay. its just another day...ill be 27. my biological clock is ticking....its crazy-birthdays and getting older really isnt much of a big deal to me-i mean, its a part of life. there isnt anything i can physically do to stop it, ya know. what is crazy to me though is how FAST time has flown. i cannot believe jaelynn is about to be 7 years old....i had just turned 20 when i had her. i think about how i thought i knew so much and how i thought i had endured 'so much' in my short 20 years.....what craziness. what would i tell myself 7 years ago??? it might go something like this....

dear 20 year old naive child,
oh dear child. open your eyes. look around you-LOOK. i shouldnt have to say anything but that...however, you are blinded by what you think is 'love'. who do you see when you look in the mirror? surely not the bright, smiley, strong girl that always said she would never settle....dont settle. you deserve so much better-and you know it. sure, you made a mistake, but 2 wrongs dont make a right. dont push your family away-they are the one true love. they will never turn their back on you-no matter how much or how many times you hurt them. listen to your mommy. she wants whats best for you-you may not feel like it, but she is wise beyond your years. you are tearing her apart inside. dont be afraid to stand on your own two feet. there is nothing wrong with an independent woman. you dont need anyone-except God and your family. dont take your friends for granted. they, too, will always be there for you. dont forget to take walks and enjoy the small things. the beauty of the sunrise, or sunset. the snowflakes on your tongue. laugh. and laugh often. laugh at your foolishness. laugh at memories. cry. cry at a love story. cry for no reason. its okay. you dont need to apologize for being YOU. go after your dreams. however unattainable they may seem-the are sooo not. you can do whatever you want-so long as you work for it. you ARE a strong girl. dont be ashamed of your past. we all have one. pick up the pieces, and move forward. for THIS, you will be an even stronger woman. be patient. you will require this for sooo many things. compromise-this is huge. as much as you want to-you arent always gonna get your way, so sometimes you have to meet in the middle. this may not be an easy task-but its not all about YOU....communicate. if you dont, your relationships-all of them, will fail. you cant expect people to read your mind or understand how you feel, if you dont tell them. dont push your loved ones away. they love you. and they want to help you-i know you like to be alone when you struggle, but its okay to ask for help. you dont always have to do it on your own. lean sometimes....love. love like youve never loved. let yourself go and be happy.

sincerely,
your much wiser and older....self....

i have let myself go, and am happy. for the first time in my life, i couldnt be more content. i have amazing family and friends, and an amazing boyfriend who i cannot wait to spend forever with. happy birthday self. cheers to many more to come....

the moment we've all been waiting for?????

*****sighhhh******



the beautiful letdown.....


oh well....itll happen when its supposed to..... but he did send me some flowers-a beautiful arrangement of orchids-my fav. flowers....was kind of a butt last night....woke up feeling really bad....and it bothered me all day. i am sooo lucky. it is soooo easy to take for granted a good thing when you have it....i vow to love kell better-bc he loves me so immensely, even when im hard to love. girls, youd be jealous-im serious. not only is he some serious eyeball candy, but he has a heart of gold...*sigh* love him, LOVE him.

this body is soooo physically exhausted. i am so sleep deprived that i am getting physically ill-achy, sore throat, stuffy nose, headache from HELL, etc.....agh. but yet, here i sit at 1am-mind a million miles an hour. argh.

sister got a job in the OR-so now we will be working together. yay. am very excited. we are taking over the world. us banda chicas. watch out....maybe we should open our own 'private nursing facility'. hm....get your mind out of the gutter sicko ;)

this bed was made for me alone....

well, my bed is so not made for sharing....that is, cramped between a 6 1/2 yr old who lays sideways and a 2 1/2 who likes to be as close to you as she can. i guess i set myfelf up. i had left the windows open to get the paint fumes out, however, when it came time for bed for emersyn (first night in a 'big girl bed') i thought it was well aerated....it was finally after 9pm that i first sat down. i peeked in emersyn and-whoa-my child was probably high. the fumes were so bad. i felt sooo bad. and she was still awake ! she was just laying there-cute as a button.so i couldnt keep her in there, obviously. kelly was sleeping on my couch already and jae was in my bed, so what to do. gr. i sucked it up and me, jae and emersyn (and sampson cohabitated in my bed. i was in the middle. this is dandy. i knew i was in for a long night...at around midnight, i was still up, and made a 'bed' on the floor for jaelynn... that allowed some relief. of course, 4am was pretty much 'just around the corner'...i woke kelly up and sent him on his way to work. for all you coffee driners, you know your day just doesnt start until you get that one (or few cups of coffee). thats how i am with my morning soda. usually its diet. dr. pepper or diet coke-im really not partial, as long as it has caffeine.... i half drag myself to the fridge. open it. i rub my eyes again, and think surely HE DID NOT DRINK MY LAST soda. i look again. its gone. before i went to bed last night, there were 2 sodas left-so i wasnt worried about it. now im pissed. kelly doesnt EVER drink soda, so why now? and why TWO cans??? ugh. hes going down. now im sooo crabby. i manage to get myself moving and on my way to work i call kelly to 'yell' at him.... he greets me with a 'happy valentines baby' (enter sappiest whiny voice here from him.) 'i have a bone to pick with you....'from me. 'like you would even drink my last soda'. oops. he says. OOPS??? seriously? thats like me throwing your fresh pot of espresso away. or your morning can(s) of red bull. aggggggggggh. he asks if i feel better now that i 'yelled' at him...no i dont. i am so thirsty and i have no cash or coins to go to the soda machine. what a way to start the day....

but it is valentines day.....i should know better than to get my hopes up...but i cant help it....the beautiful letdown? we shall see.....

ode to the crack feen

aghhhhh. my mind is going so fast i cant even get sentences out that make sense.....seriously. i have gotten more done in the last few days than, um, in about 4 months time. yes, it feels great. but.....im driving myself crazy. i feel like im on drugs. well. i am, i guess. but not those kind of drugs. im referring to the illegal kind. kelly says hes worried about me....bc i dont sit ALL day. today i painted the girls bedroom, took down emersyn's crib, re-arranged the play room, re-arranged the girls bedroom, folded 3 loads of laundry, cleaned the house up (again), straightend up the garage....and made 3 trips to 3 different stores....whew. i kinda like this medicine....ive been so productive! and i have so much energy. but when it comes time to sleep-i cant stop my mind. or sleep. like clock work, i have been awake-WIDE awake every night at 3:30am. and cannot fall back asleep. but i can hear.....yay. i think i have planned my whole wedding out in my awake hours in the last 5 nights... and where im gonna go on vacation this summer...you name it, i am sure its crossed this busy mind of mine...i cannot imagine what id be like if ever was a crack addict.....everyones worst nightmare im sure. i mean, i already drive people crazy enough as it is...could you picture me....scary.

so, i finally figured out how to get my pictures on this mac....i was having issues in how to 'share' them, etc. so a guy friend of mine told me to just buy a memory card reader....it worked! 486 pictures (!) and 3 1/2 hours later-i got it done.

and tomorrow is valentines day. how exciting. not so much. i guess since i have usually been single for this holiday-its really not a big deal to me....plus kelly is working 10 hour days and an hour out of town-so doesnt look like anything is in the agenda. we will probably go out on a date sometime next week....

ahhhhhhhhhh. slowly, my mind is returning to its normal state. trying to relax enough to climb in bed.....

warning...

so i am stealing the idea from chelseatalkssmack's blog (you should really check it out-shes hilarious) about warning labels.....its genious, if we all had warning labels-we could be spared so much drama and grief....

B.D #1: full of empty promises, man-whore in past life, will suck you dry, often threatens with words that hurt, low life, non child support paying bastard, a 'holiday dad', has a thing for minors, is mid 30's but acts like hes 21, pure white boy who thinks hes black, constant job switcher, confrontational, selfish punk, unreliable is his middle name, broke as a joke LOWLIFE.

what would YOUR warning label look like-or the warning label of someone you dont care too much for look like???

the devils drug

what? what did you say? so i cant hear. thats nothing new to those who know me....i was born with a high frequency hearing loss in both of my ears. i had hearing aids up until my freshman year in highschool. i say had, bc thats when i stopped wearing them. i had just moved to georgia-and the LAST thing i needed on top of being new was to be teased.....i also hated them bc i had top of the line hearing aids=my uncle is my audiologist. but these 'new' hearing aids made my voice very echo-y and i could never tell how loud or soft i was talking with them. agh. so i stopped wearing them. its not so bad-but i have a hard time with a)people who mumble, b)if your back is turned away-i.e.i cant see your face to read your lips, or c)the lights are off. i read lips. so anyway...

early in the week, i had this flu-check out previous blog. on friday at work, right around lunch, my right ear started to ring. ah, whatever. but it didnt stop. infact, it got worse as the day went on. and i felt like i couldnt hear at all out of that ear. it didnt hurt-it was just this really LOUD ringing in my ear. not cool. so i thought-well maybe ill wander up to my uncles office and ask him if its something i should be worried about.....well, i found my aunt-who is the manager of the day surgery center and she said he was out of town, but shed see if his assistant could help me out...so she sticks me in the booth and gives me a hearing test. sure enough-my right ear is significently less than my right. she calmly says, 'um, can you just stay here for a minute-im going to get the doctor'. wtf.?!? what is all THIS about? she says i need to see the physician NOW. okay. so the long and short of it-he says hes pretty sure i have what they call 'viral hearing loss'-which is sudden onset hearing loss. he also says-thank goodness you came in RIGHT away-if you wouldve waited until this weekend-more than likely you wouldnt get any of your hearing back in your right ear. proceeds to tell me that i only have a 60% chance of restoring my hearing to what it was-that is if i decide to go with the course of treatment. which is extremely high doses of steriods for 2 weeks. great. now im a nurse, so i know ALL about steriods and their side effects....he says, now its a really really high dose. so-and i quote 'your going to be pretty miserable for the next 2 weeks. you will be irritable, you wont be able to sleep, your going to be constantly hungry, your stomach is going to be very unsettled among other things. great. the good thing-you may get your hearing back.' wow. this was crazy. id never even heard of this!!! and i may not even get my hearing back?!? geesh. so he also says, if you have a real hard time sleeping-call the office, and we will call you something in. so i take my first dose when i got home last night. suprising enough-i fell asleep within 5 minutes of sitting on the couch with kelly. but. i woke up at around 1 am and was WIDE awake. could not fall back asleep. and was up for the duration of the night... called the 'on call dr' this morning-(which wasnt the dr. who i saw) and he says 'pfh. youll be fine', just take it in the morning.' whatever dude! dont worry-when im up tonight at 1 am-its your ars im calling. yep thats right. i hate ignorant doctors.

i actually have not felt too bad. just a tad, okay a WAAAy bit emotional. but thats also bc its 'that time'. the two combinations together = major breakdown. yep. had one today. but i feel better.... and i didnt sway from the diet at all. well, except for the twix i had. but i still stayed in my points range.... :)

mundane monday

so, i really am not starving. in fact, i think i am over that 'hump'....my stomach isnt constantly growling in hunger....although, its hard to say, because i have a touch of this nasty flu going around at work....agh. i feel awful. my stomach HURTS. like so crampy. and as dr. w calls it- 'bowel prep' poop.....(if you dont know what that is-poop like water. sorry for the great details...) i guess thats what happens when you work in healthcare-you just talk about that kind of stuff like its nothing. so-sorry if it offends you...what really sucks is that i am on a 10 days in a row stretch...with no days off in between....

not a very busy weekend at work, however im kinda greatful, since i am not feeling well. got called in at 4:30 in the AM today-went home and went back to sleep. woke up at 8:20-frantic. jae's school starts at 8:40. crap. wake jae up and she informs me that she doesnt have school. huh? howd i miss this? im the mom!!!! look at my planner-says nothing about no school. and then i look on the school calendar-sure enough, no school. (so much for being able to go back to bed)

went in the basement to get some laundry out of the dryer when all of the sudden, something swoops at my head. i scream, and lo and behold, there is a BIRD in my basement. i have no idea how he got in there but he obviously did not like me, because he kept swooping at me....i tried to get him out-but was unsuccessful. kelly........call kelly and kindly ask if he could come over and help my lovely 'friend the bird' out of the basement...i gave specific instructions to not harm the little bugger....he trapped him in my laundry basket and kindly escorted him off the premises.

i am not supposed to weigh in until wednesday, but i was anxious to see how much weight ive already lost. i knew i had lost bc of the significent amount LESS intake i am getting....i have lost 4 1/2 lbs in less than a week! yay! its a start....i know it wont always be 5 lbs a week, but its still nice....

starving....

ugh. i started weight watchers on wednesday. i am STARVING. we figured out the calorie amount for my points, and its 1300 cal/day. i have no idea how many calories i consumed prior to this 'diet'-and i dont think i want to know...but i feel like 1300 is staving myself. i know, once i get thru these couple days, ill be fine...but omg...getting there SUCKS! agh. i am nauseated. literally....i have to say though, i have reached a new awareness about my prior eating habits....they sucked. i cant poop-despite consuming crazy amounts of vegtables (they are '0' points)....my stomach is rolling...and i want to cry. :( thank goodness its almost supper time!

on another note....i took sampson to get neutered today....when we went to leave-emersyn and i, she got hysterical. it broke my heart.... she kept screaming, 'sammy-no, sammy'....aw. he made it thru surgery okay, so thats good.

getting ready for school this morning. woke up a bit late...oops. jae got ready, i got dressed in workout clothes, got emersyn dressed. on our way out the door-and went to get shoes for e....hm. interesting. how did the bedroom door get locked? 'oops' was jaelynns response. 'i forgot'. huh? what do you mean you forgot? we dont lock door in our house, just one of our rules-so how did it get locked in the first place, and second, WHY would you lock it, and then close the door. AGH! crap. oh well. e will have to go shoe-less. get jae to school, drop sam off at vet, go to walmart for couple groceries. call kell to let him know i am bringing e over so i can go to the y...no answer. (oh. suprise.) gr. screw it, ill take her with me. get to Y, no daycare bc the teacher is sick. great. this equals= no workout. dang it. go home. attempt to unlock door with bobby pin. no such luck. take the door knob off. yay. got it unlocked. put it back on-ummmm. not working. i cant get it. great. agh. go to do dishes. washing away. suddenly, my feet are wet. wet? huh? why are my feet wet? look under sink....crap. water everywhere. the pipe came disconnected. what a mess. things are NOT going well. emersyn trots in the kitchen...'uh-oh mommy'. tell me about it. call kell. can you PLEASE get your sorry butt out of bed and come over and help me????? thanks. (thank goodness for him...what would i do?) i mean, i gave it an honest effort-both putting the doorknob on AND fixing the sink. i did fix the sink actually, but it continues to leak. great. ill have to call my daddy. :)

kell is taking jae to a 'father-daughter' dance tongiht. how cute. am on call all weekend. yay. i hate it but i love it....i need the money. i hate the lack of sleep, love the time and a half.....