permanent marker perfume

by the way....

ive been assigned to poster duty for the rummage sale. and am eminating (is that a word?) permanent marker odors. i may even be high from the fumes. its really quite possible.

awol

ive been threatened by many people today. my future husband. my future sister in law. okay. thats only 2. but on several different occasions, does that count? ive been in full effect all day. i blame it on the drugs. its the steroids. they make me craaazzzzy. mad crazy. seriously. ive been bouncing off the walls.

this could be a problem.

deep thoughts.

my mind is in a million different places tonight, so bear with me.....and i have so many things to catch up on......first things first.

my wedding dress came in today!!!!! yay!!!!! i am sooo excited. i cant wait to go see it. and try it on. eek.

i have had a migraine for 6 days. today wasnt so bad. i think im over the hump, but im on steroids now, so i think thats why....i didnt hardly sleep last night though, or for the last 5 days b/c of it. it was a bad one, i was actually scared. its been so long since ive had one and i 'forgot' how to 'cope' with it and i kinda freaked out. but i had so much energy today from the steroids and am probably not going to be able to sleep now--not from the headache, but from the steroids. agh.

jaelynn's hermit crab, poppy, died yesterday. we had a burial for her today in the backyard. she was hysterical. :( it was heartbreaking. she blamed herself for it dying and i felt soo bad. i tried to convince her she died of old age, that she was a grandma crab. it was really sad though, b/c she was just truly hysterical--i mean she never took care of the darn thing, but bless her heart.....i hate seeing my kids hurt. you just want to protect them from it.

did ya'll watch the season premiere of john and kate plus 8????? talk about disheartening.....it sure seems like john has checked out of the marriage. and you know, kate can be a bitch, but no one deserves to be cheated on. and who knows what the REAL story is. who CARES what the real story is. the bottom line is--its the KIDS that are going to suffer. but it is sad to see that john doesnt seem to 'care' or want to try to work things out. people say things like, 'its reality'. no, its not reality. what happened to your wedding vows, you know those things you took when you got married??? to love each other in sickness and health? for better or worse? til DEATH DO US PART????? why do people just walk away from the committment of marriage? it makes me sick. divorce is not a reality. its a cop out. im sure i may offend people with this, but its how i feel. when i get married to kelly--its for life. thats it. its not going to be easy. i know that, kelly knows that--everyone knows that. but we are committed to each other and our family, and we love each other. forever. i sincerely hope that they are able to work things out. *sigh*. okay....sorry, had to get that off my chest.....

i had a job interview last week. it went well. man i hope i get the job. i mean, i really hope i get the job. i mean, i think id sell my body for the job. jjjjjussssst kidding. just seeing if you were paying attention. :) but just thinking about it is giving me an anxiety attack. i dont know how much longer i can handle this not having a job thing.

i leave for georgia in 1 1/2 weeks. i can hardly contain my excitement. gah! seriously, i think i need a sedative.

um yes. i decided to hop on my parents wii fit last night. if i didnt have a body complex before, i certainly do now. my wii fit age is 48! AND pon completing my 'profile', they made my mii chubby!!!! that was based on my current BMI and weight. WTF! okay, so yes, i have stated that i am fluffy, but they actually made my mii chubby!!! i dont need them to confirm what i already know ! geesh! i vowed to go home and starve myself. i need to make my mii skinny. ( the wii-mii and the real me).....

well, wrapping things up, i dont know i got myself into tonight, but im am an itchy mess. its ridiculous. so, im signing off for now. peace out. :)

miss me?

i know, ive been missing. its been quite busy. i promise, ill catch up. but not tonight...on day 5 of a killer migraine. :/


tomorrow. promise.

take a deep breath.

yes. thats what i keep having to tell myself every time i start to think about the wedding and the near future, not having a job and HOW are we going to pay for this???? i think i am near panic attacks every few minutes....sounds so incredibly trivial, i know, but its more deep rooted than just the wedding. thats just the tip of the iceberg....i am constantly running ideas in my mind, plans on how to 'fix' things and the current state of things. every day, i apply for at least ONE job--and have even started to apply for non nursing jobs. i constantly hear, 'God is in control', and 'everything happens for a reason', in fact, everything happens for a reason is MY saying, my motto. but, how i find myself wavering in my faith. Not in God alone, but remembering in that He IS in control, and will take care of me, ultimately. but do i need to lose my sanity before 'ultimately' comes? i find constantly wondering 'what if', as in 'what if i still had my job'. what a different tune id be singing. i know i have learned some of the most valuable lessons about finances and fiscal responsiblity during this trial, and about work and what it means to me. and i know that it is often times in our darkest hours that we learn the most and need to lean on God the most, and thats what He wants us to do. i just feel myself wearing thin. i feel my faith wavering in this situation and getting angry with God, frustrated.

an acquired taste

so, as i was eating my lovely healthy dinner of chicken breast and asparagus the other night, i was thinking about how much i love asparagus. oh--but that definately hasnt always been the case. only, actually until about 2 years ago. it got me thinking of about all *aH!!!( soorry-huge lightning/thunder just scared the CRAP out of me) foods that i have acquired a fond taste of. let me list a few for you...

* mushrooms-still not a fan of raw mushrooms, but i LOVE sauteed, or cooked in any form mushrooms.

*green bean casserole.

*asparagus-so noted.

*broccoli.

*okra-if its breaded of course. true to my southern roots, thank you very much (said in southern accent)

*baked beans.

*potato salad.

*coleslaw

*bell peppers-again, only if they are cooked. not a fan of them if they are raw.


yeah. thats all i can think of right now....kinda sleepy. and now hungry thinking of food.....

some super exciting news--im headed to georgia the first week of june for my 'bachelorette party/bridal shower' that meghan is putting on for me!!! i am SOOOOO excited. (can you tell im excited?) she is flying me there as my gift. what a gem. i cant wait.

running has been going really good. i forget how much i love doing it....and the whole book on audio thing has worked out GREAT. i love it. so, now im off to get some shut-eye. (omg, i havent said that word in ages-shut eye...)

por mi madre.

my mom. she is amazing. at the young ripe age of 52, she was out on the trampoline today with my 2 kids and youngest sister doing '180s' and pikes, and split leaps like no other. (um, i cant do that, can you?) flips you say, no problemo. she is wonder woman. im telling you, this woman can do it all. she works the wii fit daily, can haul ass and lumber like any man, and she also does all those 'motherly' things like make chicken soup when im sick with the flu and rubs my head while im puking on the toilet. she has raised 6 girls, which has definately been no easy feat, and kept her sanity and still looks absolutely beautiful. she has taught me to be me, and some of the most valuable lessons in life. we have not always had an easy road, but she has never left me and has always supported me no matter what. she has taught me what a mother's love IS, and that its never to late to be worth waiting for.....she has shown me the true beauty of life, and has been a role model to me and to young mothers all around. she has taught me to take a stand in what i believe in, and to not back down-no matter what. she has always stuck up for me, but has also called me out when i was wrong--not afraid to confront me on my mistakes, for which have made me a better and stronger person. she has shown me that love endures it all, and that despite the odds; her and my dad were NOT going to be 'just another statistic'......she is a Godly woman, who wants nothing but the best for her family, who always thinks of herself last.


So, on this day, mom, i hope you know how much i love you. How much we all love you. And how much we appreciate you and all you do for us. You have molded each one of us into unique individuals, and although there have been times where you may have wanted to kill us.....i hope we have made you proud. i love you mommy. you are simply the best.

the hats we wear.

i saw something similar to this somewhere, so i kinda stole the idea, but the words are my own, as are the 'hats'.....

1. Emotion hat. This hat is a big part of who i am. you can see it in my face, the expressions i make-especially in my eyes. i have big eyes, and they dont hide much. i cry easy, however, my profession as a nurse has hardened me some.

2. Mom hat. A hat i have obtained proudly. A hat i was unsure about when i first found out at a young age i was going to get, but embraced with full knowledge that it would be a hat that would change my life, and the lives i bring into this world. there are days i want to throw the hat out the window, but i claim temporary insanity. i wear this hat so proudly. the mom hat. wow. what a name.

3. Work hat. Hmm. Well, lets pretend i have a J-O-B right now for all practical purposes....this hat is the whole reason i endured 6 years of college as a single mother....only taking 1 week off of school after each daughter was born. but its more than that. i love my profession. i have compassion for what i do, i love the doctors i work for and with and i love making a difference in the patients lives and the families life. not to mention, it pays the bills.

4. Wife (to be) hat. Ive been searching for this hat for about 90% of my life.....and ive finally found it....and am about to embark on this chapter in SEVEN months with kell. this is an important hat, as it signifies companionship, and growing old together. And being accountable to one another, there for one another forever thru the good, the bad and the ugly....

5. Friend hat. One of my favs. what is life without friends? I hope that i have put my friend hat to good use. I feel as though i am a good friend, certainly, could always be better, but is always on for a good listen and always a shoulder to lean on.

6. Daughter hat. I wish i could say ive worn the daughter hat great. however, im not so sure i have. ive let my parents down so many times and have hurt them a lot of times. but they have always loved me and held me and never let me go. i have tried to be the best i could be--some times i didnt give a very good effort, i admit. but, i love them with all of my being.

7. Clumsy hat. Definately wear this one a lot. My middle name is surely not grace. i look at my legs and am constantly finding a set of new bruises-from god only knows what. i fall down stairs, run into table corners, you name it--i do it.


well, these are just a few.....what hats do YOU wear, whether you like to or not?????

what i learned.

so this morning i tackled the much overdue task of cleaning out my dresser drawers. i couldnt even get some of them closed. yep that bad...so, heres a few things i learned from this daunting task:


1. i may or may not be a tshirt slut. okkaaay, i AM a tshirt slut. no questions asked. HOW i have managed to fit that many tshirts in my drawers up until this point is beyond me. i had to go back THREE different times and get rid of more and more to fit them into my drawers.....some are so old that they are no longer white... i finally parted with my all time favorite--my clemson soccer camp tshirt from my junior year in high school. i almost started to cry.

2. i may or may not also be a warmup/yoga/pajama pant slut. hey-i am all about comfort. im beginning to think i may be nominated for 'what not to wear'....i clean up nice--but when im home, i prefer to be comfortable.

3. one can never have too many tank tops. i love tanks in the summer. i think i only parted with 3. and truthfully, i DO pretty much wear all of them.

4. i am BOUND am determined to fit into my jeans i still have from high school. i still have some HOT pairs(yes-they are STILL in style) they still fit, but trust me you DONT want to see me in them. think: muffin top, and if i bent over, theyd probably split....another words, they fit but currently, you wouldnt catch me dead wearing them. im waiting for my audiobook to finish downloading on my itunes for my run. 'Operation Hot Bride' started officially this week. I ran 2 miles yesterday and worked out after.

5. I really dont need 100 pairs of underwear. seriously. you should have seen some of these gems. enough said.

6. what happens to the other sock????? i swear, every wash load, i am missing at least one pair. does the wash machine eat them????

7. i cant believe how many clothes still have price tags on them. i felt like i was shopping in the comfort of my own home...

8. WHAT was i thinking when i bought that?


next up--shoes. but that will be tomorrow. off for my run. trying something new--listening to books while i run instead of music. i LOVE reading, so maybe this will keep me more 'interested', i sometimes am so focused on getting done with the run, that maybe if i have something i enjoy listening to, ill enjoy doing it more.....and then i have to mow the lawn.

precious babies....

as promised.....arent they lovely. of course im partial. but theres no denying.... :)

my battery was dead for jae's game, so more to come for her game.... but she was all dressed up for a Junie B play at the PAC (performing arts center) in Appleton for a school field trip. Emersyn played in her game, but as soon as she was done she started crying... :) my little shy baby....