:(

i miss my kids.

kinda busy day at work....didnt get to see the kids all that much....it sucks. struggling financially right now, so i have to pick up some extra work hours....theres just no happy medium... :/ someone suffers somewhere.... didnt help that it seems to be sick kids weekend....couple kids having surgery, and they are kids that have had multiple surgeries. real troopers. such sweethearts. :( made me miss my kids even more....

so i went to kell's and ate dinner with them, sat out by the camp fire and watched half of 'meet the robinson's'. jae cried when i left...so then i cried. cried the whole way home....i really just miss them. i hate that they are affected by my having to work 'more'.


not fair.

catching up...

lots to catch you up on....

so, i never informed you all that buddy the bunny was found...yes. he was found alive. in. my.bedroom.closet. the takedown went a little like something you'd see on the jeff corwin experience or the crocadile hunter (r.i.p.)-jaelynn and i had him cornered in my closet. i think we were more afraid of him jumping out at us and scaring the crap out of us than anything.... but after a mission impossible sort of manuver, we rescued buddy and returned him outside to the wild west.


i downloaded all my pics yesterday from the wedding. well, i have an external card reader. i went to lay emersyn down for her nap and when i came out of her bedroom, i discovered my 2gb memory card in a million pieces. sampson decided to eat it. i couldve killed him. i WOULD have killed him if i hadnt gotten the pics downloaded.....what possess him? i mean, does that taste good? agh.


emersyn had a early morning visit to the ER today.....her and jae were snuggling on the couch and she fell off the couch. she proceeded to hit the corner of the coffee table on the bridge of her nose. can we see ouch. instant swollen nose/blood everywhere. we rushed to the ER-luckily, she didnt need stitches, it was actually quite superficial-but she is going to have 2 lovely black eyes. :( she insisted on a bandaid-so she has a big purple band-aid across her nose. it looks adorable.

jae's last week of school is this week. not sure how i feel about this.... ;) i cant believe how fast the year has flown by, seriously...i cant believe its been almost a year since ive had my house! i guess then the year and a half-ish (tentatively) until our wedding will fly by then.... i hope....i want it to be here now....

well, im sure ill blog some more this weekend, i am on call....so in between cases....ill probably get bored... :)

exhausted

what a weekend.

but what an amazing weekend. the wedding was amazing. leah was gorgeous, which i never doubted, but words cannot put it into words....the weather was amazing-it didnt rain, it wasnt too hot, it wasnt too cold, it was just right.

*sigh* it was wonderful. i am sooo exhausted. good night.

wanted-dead or alive. presumably alive....

about 10 minutes after my post last night, i wandered into the kitchen to make sure the doors were locked up. you ever get that feeling like someone, or something is staring at you? well, i had that feeling. so i stopped dead in my tracks. and lo and behold, there he was. a pair of little beady eyes were staring at me about 20 feet across the room. crap! if i move, hes gonna take off! hm, what to do. so i took one careful step. he didnt move. so i took another. and another until i was right in front of him. i crouched down and grabbed him. and.....he took off. AGH!!!!!!!! and vanished into thin air. i swear. just like that. he was gone. into thin air. into thin air. i swear. he somehow disappeared into the cupboards. there wasnt even a hole! i frantically searched to no avail. no luck. AGH! i was soooo close!

so this morning, i decided to check it out more closely. heres what i found...there are 2 itty bitty holes under my kitchen sink. my guess is that this is his hiding spot. how do i get him out??????? anyone gone rabbit hunting or trapping before????

buddy the bunny

yesterday emersyn and i went out to mow the lawn. sampson was outside with us, too. all was fine and dandy until sam decided to chase a baby rabbit and corner the poor little guy. i chased them both down and rescued the bunny from sam's wrath....sam did minor damage, however the little dude was bleeding a little bit. so emersyn and i took him in the house to show jaelynn (who was in 'time-out). jae asked if we could keep him. i decided that we would keep the bunny for a day or two-and then let him back into the 'wild'....

so, we got a big box, a nice tall one, so he couldn't jump out. filled it with all the necessities. you know, water, some grass, a few dandelions to munch on. and we cant forget spinach. to grow strong. i even added a blanket for him to cuddle in. jae wanted to put a diaper for him to cuddle in. i said a blanket was better. :) he had the cadillac of boxes. i kept him high above reach, so sampson couldnt get him.

in the middle of the night, emersyn woke up for some reason, so i got up to get her a cup of milk. when i wandered into the kitchen half awake, i peeked into the box to check on the little guy jaelynn named 'buddy', and he was just sleeping. cute as a button.

i awakend to someone poking at me, 'mom, mom'.... i roll over. pull the blankets over my head, hoping i can disappear. once again. 'mom, mom.' this time, i growl out, 'what jaelynn.' 'where is the bunny?' pause. 'huh?' i say. 'where is the bunny. he isnt in the box.' pause again. i pull back the blankets. sh*t. i jump out of bed to check out the scene. surely hes in the box. there is NO way he could have gotten out! i look in the box-and hes gone. wtf?! i begin a frantic search thru the kitchen for the bunny. no where. in my room. nope. i continue to look in every possible nook and cranny to no avail. no suck luck. it is now 10:45 pm and i still have not found the bunny....great. this means-if he dies in my house-it is not going to be a pleasant smell. :/ i mean, where could he have gone? and how did he get out? i mean, i know hes a bunny and they 'hop', but this box was quite tall. there is no way sam could have gotten to him so i know it wasnt him.

leah's wedding is this weekend, very exciting. meghan and james fly in on saturday, i cant wait! my sisters are all in town, so thats fun. and the weather is looking favorable. yay.

i ran out of gas today on the highway. never done that before. oops. i was actually on the top of the exit ramp of the exit i needed to get off of....if i would have gone about 100 more yards, i could have made it over a hill and coasted down the ramp to the gas station at the bottom of the ramp.... thats what i get for riding my gas light...

me.

All About Me

I am at work(in between cases).... I got this one from PLAYFUL PROFESSIONAL. (and i apologize, but my computer is dumb and does not allow for me to do the whole 'link' thing...)

*Maybe I should...not eat so much today...especially since im really not that hungry...(its the boredom)

*I love the smell of... fabric softener, the girl's skin after a bath.

* People would say that I....am very compassionate and have pretty eyes.

* I don’t understand why... people drink and drive. chalk it up to a weekend of trauma and multiple MVA's and drinking and driving....it breaks me, every time. please, call a cab. you are not invincible.

* When I wake up in the morning...my day, once again, begins.

* I lost my will power to...starve myself. i never really wanted to do this anyway...

* Life is wonderful with... my family, loved ones.

* My past made me...me.

* I get annoyed when...people are ignorant.

*Parties are not...like they were in high school anymore

* Dogs are...a man (and womans) best friend. love them. but, they are a lot of work.

* Cats...are the devil

* Tomorrow I am going to... be grumpy. i have to work at 5am after a very long and busy sleep deprived weekend of work.

* I have a low tolerance for...alcohol. i drink very infrequently, so when i do, it doesnt take much to get a little tipsy...

* I'm totally terrified of... losing my kids. and kelly. and my family.

* I wonder why I thought my life would be... simple. hah!

* Never in my life... did i think i would get pregnant at the age of 19....and in the situation i was in...

* High school was something that... i will never forget.

* When I'm nervous...i get cold, but sweaty. does that make sense?

* Take my advice... dont drink and drive. yeah, im on a kick today. take the clue. seriously.

* Making my bed is... something my mom made me do every day. and now i do it every day, even though i sometimes think its pointless, since im going to get back into it...

* I'm almost always... late..i know. bad habit. eh. it seems no matter how hard i try, i cant help it.

* I'm addicted to... hmm. fruit snacks. i cant buy them anymore, or i might eat the whole box.

* I want someone... to pay off all my debt. is that too much to ask? seriously.

pleasantly surprised

so....

aside from working until 4am....and the fact that i am getting sick.....and i have right lower quadrant pain. appendicitis? or ovarian cyst? eh. my many ailments....

the wedding was fun. i was only able to make a brief appearance d/t work, i mean, duty calls. (its a full moon this weekend, the natives are restless.) i got to see some old friends, one of kelly and i's best friends-so that was great. it was neat to see kelly so happy to see his childhood best friend...its kinda funny, b/c erik was both of our best friends. he was kelly's childhood friend, they grew up with eachohter, always getting into mischief....erik and i became friends in middle school, we had lockers next to eachother and from there we were inseperable. and then kell and i started dating. so erik has always had a place in both kelly and i's heart. he moved away out west- so we dont see him very often...i know kelly misses him a lot....so it was great to hang out with him.....those two togehter are hilarious to watch.....

and casie was really nice, it was very pleasant to hang out with her. i have to say-it was fun. and i left thinking, i miss her....for those who dont know....before kelly and i ever dated...casie and i were best friends. and we remained best friends up until i got pregnant with emersyn and we went thru all that.....one day i will share the whole story for all you who don't know the 'whole story' of kelly and i's history, b/c we have been thru ALOT!!!! but not today. so while since we have gotten back together, it has been 'rough' with his family and it is now better, it is still tough sometimes being 'that girl'....and it was good last night finally feeling like old times, when i was a part of their family. i mean, i have known this family since i was 11 years old. and have always been a part of this family since then. *sigh*.

so, i have to say, i was pleasantly suprised. i had a good time. i was only there for about an hour and a half, but when i had to leave to go back to work, i found myself not wanting to leave and wishing i could stay and have a drink with them all....

out of my comfort zone...

so i grew up in the town i currently live in. its not that big, about 20,000 people. a lot of the same people that i went to grade school/middle school with still live around here. i moved to georgia when i was in high school, but stayed in fairly close contact with my closest friends. my 2 oldest sisters were fairly well known in high school, too, so it seemed everyone knows who the 'banda girls' are.....

so, i am supposed to attend a wedding with the ahem, 'fiance' :) tomorrow night. i dont know if ill make it because i am on call this weekend, but i have anxiety about it....i havent seen a lot of these people in sooo long....you know that feeling.....like not necessarily the need to 'impress', but...i dont know what the word is.....its like, you go away for so long....and then you see these people and they want to know all about your life and i sometimes feel like i need to be up to some sort of expectation. i dont know....i know its kind of silly. it is always good to see a lot of these people, but it makes for some very awkward moments, too. and then b/c i am not quote unquote 'friends' with kelly's sister anymore-that kind of adds a whole 'nother kind of tension. i mean, we get along great, but thats at like family functions....i want to be friends again, but im not convinced she does.....and thats fine, but we have mutual friends, which can also make for awkward moments, b/c its all about 'loyalties'....which i dont get into. and i dont want to play the clingy girlfriend role, but i cannot stand being somewhere when i am not comfortable or know only one person.....and then they like ditch you-and your left standing by yourself......

plus, the fact that i am on call= no drinking. so i cant even take the edge off. :/ how not fun is that. hanging out with a bunch of drunk people while i am the only sober one. not fun. so i am really not looking forward to this.....

public affair

okay,

it appears i have upset a very important person. i shall keep them unnamed. but you know who you are, and i know you are reading this.... so listen up.

i am sorry if i offended you. i am sorry if i hurt you. i know you are 'emotional' right now and i know you are stressed out. it was very selfish on my part to think only of myself-and speak 'publicly' of it....

i am so very exicted for this day, and cant wait to be a part of it. i want it to be everything-and more. so-anything that i can do to make it that way, i want to do.... the last thing you need, i know, is to worry about stuff like this. so, i am sorry. i know this maybe doesnt automatically 'fix it', or isnt a band-aid, but now 'all those people' who have said stuff to you, also know that i am sorry.....

i love you.

okay...one little white lie.

*sigh*

so heres the truth. in my story. i said i was wearing a thong. ummm. actually i was el commando. yah. i know. quit. laughing. that makes for an even more memorable story, i know. i dont even know why i 'lied', i was kinda embarrassed, i guess. and then told my sisters the story today, and we all laughed uncontrollably-and i knew i had to let you all know 'the truth'... :) so yeah, really, when i fell- kelly's first words-in utter shock and disbelief, were 'are you wearing underwear?' all in one breath.... and then i moaned.....in utter embarrassment and pain....and laughed. because shit, what else are you gonna do when your who-who is in the wide open like that, and your laying on a pile of garbage?

seriously, this only happens to me. it really does.


im still laughing about it. as are my family members, b/c its such a 'tera thing'. you just gotta know me, youd agree.....

a night to remember

picture this....

getting ready for a hot date. you got your hair fixed all pretty. make up done. legs shaved. killer red wrap dress on. thong undies on-which you havent worn in FOREVER. (i used to wear thongs all the time, but this is one thing i have since retired since becoming a mom.) black high heels to kill on. oh yeah. ready to go. baby sitter all lined up. kids ready to go to granma's, kelly comes and picks me up. everyone's all out in the car read to go. i am heading out the door, my hands are full, mind you-purse, diaper bag, among other things....i have 4 steps down to the garage floor. i step down the first step and suddenly.......as if in slow motion.....i lose my balance, and start to fall off the edge of the stairs-into the garbage. yes, the garbage. there is nothing to break my fall- no railing. and like i said, my hands are full, so i had no hands to break my fall either. my feet are flailing in the air and i land on my back on top of a bag of garbage, literally. dress is over my head, and i am flashing my kids, kelly and my little sister maddie-all my goods. i quickly scramble to cover myself up and moan. kelly comes running over and asks if im okay, not sure if he should laugh or well, not really sure how to respond. i immediately bust out laughing. i have abig scrape on my thigh and i feel like i broke my toe and finger, but seriously, i am such a clumsy idiot! saved by the garbage bag-because i hit my head...so if it hadnt been there, that would have been my head on the concrete. and that would have been the end of date night and we would have probably made a trip to the ER....aye.

so we dropped the kids off at my parents. kelly made reservations at a nice restuarant in oshkosh and we headed there. we parked the car and right before i got out-he said, 'there is something in the glove box for you'. so i opened it up and there was a card. so i opened it and read it-a nice little mother's day card. how sweet. as i was reading-i get to the end and it says, on the very bottom, 'p.s. will you marry me?' !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i looked up at him in shock!!!!!!! and he proceeded to get out of the car and come around to my side and open my door and get down on one knee and propose. of course.... i said yes. :)


IM ENGAGED!

ah! finally! we are thinking nov/dec '09. i had originally wanted to get married this fall/winter, but obviously, thats too soon. plus we both decided that we both want to be more 'financially stable'-which means i dont want to put myself in even more debt at this point in time....jaelynn was sooo excited when we got home and she saw my ring. it was precious.

so, it was definately a night ill never forget, from my fabulous fall-that we laughed about all night long, to the proposal....here are a couple pictures for you to see. my 'battle wound'-it doesnt look that bad, but it hurts like a terd....and of course, my ring :)

cheers to me!

moment of weakness

suck it in. little bit more.....i am. the zippers stuck. i cant breathe.

two weeks away until my sister's wedding. i tried on my bridesmaid dress for the first time....in over a year.... yep. a bit snug. how depressing. after kelly managed to zip me into it....i decided to wear it around the house for a half hour in hopes to 'stretch it out'. and then....ordered some spanx. agh. screw the 16lbs. im down.....when the hell did i get so fat? yeah, so im about to start my period and am so f-in bloated. but still. so i went on bridesmaid strike. (i hope you dont read this leah) i made up an excuse why i didnt go get my dress altered yesterday, but really it was because i was on strike. i know, how selfish. but i had a pity party for myself. i know, again, how selfish. but there are 9 of us girls in this wedding(!) as bridesmaids and i am the 'fattest' one. i dont want to be the 'fattest' one. i hate standing next to these thin, beautiful girls feeling oh-so inadequate and always less than the best. always been somewhat insecure about myself-but now more than ever it comes up. and its really quite dumb, i know, and some may think 'oh how shallow' but its one thing being scrutinized among 5 beautiful sisters-of which i am the 'fattest' and considered the 'one who looks like none of the others' (which always kindof stings-and i know its not ever necessarily a bad thing- but my sisters are gorgeous, of course i want to look like them), but now i am being scrutinized among my sisters and leah's pretty, thin, bubbly friends....i dont know why i let myself get caught up in it-bc typically i dont get too swayed....but AAAGGHHHH.....i dont want to be the fat bridesmaid. i want to be the HOT bridesmaid. damn it. whatever.


kelly says, 'your not fat'. of course you say that. youd be minus one important body part if you said otherwise. wise choice.

AAAGGGGGGHHHHHH

well, someone has gotten a hold of my lone credit card number and charged it all up. isnt that lovely. i closed all my accounts a couple weeks ago in an attempt to get my debt under control.... except this one. for emergencies. and. lo and behold. someone has hacked it. how? i have noooo idea. since i havent used it since god knows when.....but yes, i get a phone call stating 'high risk activity' has occured on my card....wtf....i swear. if something crazy is going to happen-its gonna happen to me.


next it'll be pregnancy......by immaculate conception. you just watch. whatever. grrrrrrrrrrrr.