out of my comfort zone...

so i grew up in the town i currently live in. its not that big, about 20,000 people. a lot of the same people that i went to grade school/middle school with still live around here. i moved to georgia when i was in high school, but stayed in fairly close contact with my closest friends. my 2 oldest sisters were fairly well known in high school, too, so it seemed everyone knows who the 'banda girls' are.....

so, i am supposed to attend a wedding with the ahem, 'fiance' :) tomorrow night. i dont know if ill make it because i am on call this weekend, but i have anxiety about it....i havent seen a lot of these people in sooo long....you know that feeling.....like not necessarily the need to 'impress', but...i dont know what the word is.....its like, you go away for so long....and then you see these people and they want to know all about your life and i sometimes feel like i need to be up to some sort of expectation. i dont know....i know its kind of silly. it is always good to see a lot of these people, but it makes for some very awkward moments, too. and then b/c i am not quote unquote 'friends' with kelly's sister anymore-that kind of adds a whole 'nother kind of tension. i mean, we get along great, but thats at like family functions....i want to be friends again, but im not convinced she does.....and thats fine, but we have mutual friends, which can also make for awkward moments, b/c its all about 'loyalties'....which i dont get into. and i dont want to play the clingy girlfriend role, but i cannot stand being somewhere when i am not comfortable or know only one person.....and then they like ditch you-and your left standing by yourself......

plus, the fact that i am on call= no drinking. so i cant even take the edge off. :/ how not fun is that. hanging out with a bunch of drunk people while i am the only sober one. not fun. so i am really not looking forward to this.....