cheers!

been a minute.....yes, i know.

what can i say, my life is action packed...(whether i want it to be or not)...tomorrow is my birthday. eh. yay. dont i sound excited? *jumping for joy*. not so much. thats okay. its just another day...ill be 27. my biological clock is ticking....its crazy-birthdays and getting older really isnt much of a big deal to me-i mean, its a part of life. there isnt anything i can physically do to stop it, ya know. what is crazy to me though is how FAST time has flown. i cannot believe jaelynn is about to be 7 years old....i had just turned 20 when i had her. i think about how i thought i knew so much and how i thought i had endured 'so much' in my short 20 years.....what craziness. what would i tell myself 7 years ago??? it might go something like this....

dear 20 year old naive child,
oh dear child. open your eyes. look around you-LOOK. i shouldnt have to say anything but that...however, you are blinded by what you think is 'love'. who do you see when you look in the mirror? surely not the bright, smiley, strong girl that always said she would never settle....dont settle. you deserve so much better-and you know it. sure, you made a mistake, but 2 wrongs dont make a right. dont push your family away-they are the one true love. they will never turn their back on you-no matter how much or how many times you hurt them. listen to your mommy. she wants whats best for you-you may not feel like it, but she is wise beyond your years. you are tearing her apart inside. dont be afraid to stand on your own two feet. there is nothing wrong with an independent woman. you dont need anyone-except God and your family. dont take your friends for granted. they, too, will always be there for you. dont forget to take walks and enjoy the small things. the beauty of the sunrise, or sunset. the snowflakes on your tongue. laugh. and laugh often. laugh at your foolishness. laugh at memories. cry. cry at a love story. cry for no reason. its okay. you dont need to apologize for being YOU. go after your dreams. however unattainable they may seem-the are sooo not. you can do whatever you want-so long as you work for it. you ARE a strong girl. dont be ashamed of your past. we all have one. pick up the pieces, and move forward. for THIS, you will be an even stronger woman. be patient. you will require this for sooo many things. compromise-this is huge. as much as you want to-you arent always gonna get your way, so sometimes you have to meet in the middle. this may not be an easy task-but its not all about YOU....communicate. if you dont, your relationships-all of them, will fail. you cant expect people to read your mind or understand how you feel, if you dont tell them. dont push your loved ones away. they love you. and they want to help you-i know you like to be alone when you struggle, but its okay to ask for help. you dont always have to do it on your own. lean sometimes....love. love like youve never loved. let yourself go and be happy.

sincerely,
your much wiser and older....self....

i have let myself go, and am happy. for the first time in my life, i couldnt be more content. i have amazing family and friends, and an amazing boyfriend who i cannot wait to spend forever with. happy birthday self. cheers to many more to come....