its over.

the appeal is over. in all honesty, i dont know if i ever have been more nervous for anything in my life. preparation for this involved more preparation than some of my nursing exams. i have learned so much from this experience--not just about my job, but myself. i didnt win my appeal. but you know what, im okay. i really am. it went really well. i did a good job-i knew it was going to be a hard case to fight and win. i am ready to move forward. i wanted to write a few of the lessons that i have learned in this process....

i am a strong woman. and i think i have known it-to an extent, but i think i know it now. i certainly have my days (like last week.....), but on the whole, i have pretty thick skin and can handle some pretty tough stuff.

i have learned who 'my real friends are'. they say that when you go through a tough time, youll know who your real friends are--and its true. i got screwed sooo bad by some people who i thought were my friends--namely former co-workers. that was a real awakening for me. it hurt, as i thought as a lot of these people as 'my family'.

be careful who you trust. perhaps i trust too easily. but, like i said, i got screwed, royally. and that was my own mistake in who i trusted....

i have the most AMAZING family and TRUE friends. in my tough time with losing my job and the past few months, my family and friends have been praying endlessly for me and just THERE for me. it is so cool. i am so lucky. my grandma was praying all night for me last night knowing i had my appeal. everyone in my aunts department was on edge awaiting the results of my appeal--even though they had no idea who i was--just bc they cared about my aunt, and had heard about the 'case'. (my aunt works at the hospital, too) my 2 older sisters were calling me as soon as they thought i would be done, wanting to know how it went. my dad was calling me in the middle of it.....my small group was praying during it and last night. my college gf texted me this evening asking how it went. its been overwhelming. i am sooo thankful to ALL of you, for you thoughts and prayers during this time.

i have learned how much my job means to me.....even though i didnt win my appeal, i have a renewed appreciation for what i do, and it reminded me why i worked my ass of in school to get where i am today.....

i learned that somethings are worth fighting for. again, even though i didnt win my appeal, id do it all over again, even if the end result was the same.

i didnt know how i would feel if i lost, and honestly, when we were done, we didnt think we would lose. it went THAT well. we werent 'cockey', but we were confident. it just went well. but when i got the phone call that i didnt in fact win the appeal, i was sad, but i didnt cry, and i didnt get emotional like i did when i lost the informal appeal. i was okay. i think a part of me is just glad that its OVER. this has been soooo stressful. but i think God is responsible for making me feel 'okay'. well, actually, i know He is. i just am content. thats not to say i wouldnt have elated if they said i got my job back, but i know He has other plans for me.....just like He says.....Jeremiah 29:11.......the infamous verse.... :)