it never ends

the craziness of my life that is. i get up in the morning to chaos, i come home to chaos and i go to bed to chaos. my two kids, they may as have the names chaos 1 and chaos 2. well, jaelynn is more like super chaos. :) shes a little fireball. but sometimes its so overwhelming....like, i bust my butt all day, i leave the house in the morning, and its clean, and i come home-to a disaster. ONE TIME, id like to come home to a sink with clean dishes, like when i left the house. or books not thrown all over the living room floor. or barbie hair all about the house because sampson decided to chew it to a millions shreds.... agh. i love being a mom. i love my kids. some days i'll be honest, i dont want to do it. id never change anything, i wouldnt. and crazy thing is, sometimes, when i DO have a little peace and quiet, i dont know what to do with myself. i am bored out of my mind and my miss my kids so indredibly much i cant stand it. i feel so guilty not being with them it drives me crazy....i am so utterly used to the constant chaos, that when it isnt there, i dont know what to do! i remember when i was visiting my bff in georgia, jaelynn went to spend the day with her dad. emersyn was taking a nap and bff and i were just lounging in the pool. how relaxing, huh? it was, but i was so restless, bored. i needed to be doing something. i have forgotten how to RELAX. what is this nonsense? by the end of the day, i was ready to pull my hair out.

i guess it is my destiny to be overtired, overstimulated, and surrounded by a life of chaos. and the more i write and think about it, thats how i like it....eh. yeah, yeah. i know, i complain, i just get overwhelmed. dont we all....