grounded

'i missed you.' emersyn said that when i picked her up from nana's house this morning. for those who dont know, even though kelly and i are togehter-we dont live together. therefore, we share custody of emersyn. he wants to move in together-but ive been there, done that, and i wont do it again until im married. its just something that i said i wasnt going to do after jae's dad and i split up. for religious reasons, and personal reasons. we dont have sex either. ( i know crazy, huh.) its hard. really hard-especially since we've been there before, but in a sense, it has made our relationship 'that' much stronger. it has challenged us in several ways. physically, mentally, emotionally. it has given us a 'new' awareness for each other and has made us appreciate each other more, i think. anyway, sharing custody works for us-because when we got back together, we just decided that we werent going to change what we were doing as far as that went-it just meant more of all of us together. so i picked her up from nana's and squeezed her tight. i havent hardly gotten to see her the last few days b/c its been crazy busy at work-so ive had to work longer and later than usual... we got home and i was doing the dishes up. i hate the television. i allow the girls to watch a few shows in the morning and a few in the evening-but thats it. kelly-on the other hand-he ALWAYS has it on. it DRIVES ME CRAZY. we constantly 'argue' about it. so-when we got home, i actually unplugged it. and im not telling him. let him and the kids think its 'broken'. hehe. they have this huge playroom full of toys-and they hardly ever play-unless i force them....so emersyn comes in the kitchen and starts digging in the drawers....and pulls out a spatula. or.... a 'dinglehopper'. i started laughing so hard. the little mermaid is her favorite movie (thank you kelly). it then becomes her 'magic wand' and she is chasing sampson wildly around the house going crazy. i just sat there-watching her....it was fun. it is amazing how my kids keep me grounded...it is so easy to get caught up in the daily throes of life. the craziness of work and craziness of.....well, life in general. they always remind me to SLOW DOWN. to enjoy the little things. like laughing. and the little green buds of flowers. (yay!) (even if it DID snow last night-this only happens in wisconsin) jaelynn was watching a TV show on animal planet and said to me, 'this king charles spaniel is on his way to becoming a saint bernard'. ( a direct quote) the show was called 'fat pets'. it made me laugh. she is only 7....*sigh*. this weekend i was doing yard work and the girls were digging in the dirt. literally. jae likes to dig for worms. emersyn has now taken an interest, as well. emersyn found a broken worm and comes running up to me....carrying a broken worm....and says, 'look momma, a catepillar'....all excited.....and then jae was getting sooo mad at her bc emersyn was digging away-and when she would 'dig' she was throwing the dirt in jae's hair (not on purpose). it was hilarious. i have learned not to make such a big deal about things. poor jae used to take the brunt of this-and i am forever sorry to her for this....i am somewhat OCD about things at times....so sometimes i freak out messes. not anymore. so jae sometimes freaks out-but now i make sure she knows its okay...and not a big deal.....it can get cleaned up, or washed or replaced.....i am so blessed. i have the best kids in the world. sure, on any given day, they drive me crazy, and sometimes i really feel like 'i cant do this' or 'i am a bad mom' and sometimes i feel like i DONT want to do this (i dont really mean this-but id be lying if i said i didnt have these moments). but, you know, at the end of the day, they are mine. a part of me, and who i am, and they keep me-grounded....