ah, yes friends. take a seat. it is time for yet another philosophical moment from tera....
so while i was on the toilet these are my best thinking tiimes, i had one of those moments where i began to think about all of those people in high school-guys mostly-who screwed me over somehow. and where are they now? what are they doing? and is it wrong for me to secretly hope they are miserable? and not just what they are doing, but then re-living the whole heartbreak or whatever all over again.... and remembering my two older sisters profoundly telling me-dont sweat this-youll laugh at this someday. ha. ya right. at that time-my world was over. it didnt matter what anyone told me. i have countless notes from meghan- 'be strong', 'everything happens for a reason', blah, blah. hindsight is 20/20, right? of course it is. of course-i say now-i wouldnt trade those painful experiences for the world because it has made me who i am and it has helped me discover my inner strength. really? is this true? i dont know. i really dont. to an extent-sure, a lot of the experiences i have gone thru have in some way taught me some valuable lessons, but i do think that some women take this waaay to far.....
but when i think about this: if someone gave me the opportunity to go back-and erase the pain, the hurt, the experiences- all the to middle school and start over, would i? i dont know. if it meant that i didnt have my kids-then NO i wouldnt go back-because YES-they have made me who i am-they are the one thing i will say have made me who and what i am. but if you took them out of the equation and just looked at the feelings and hurt-i probably would. i mean-seriously-sure-i value the things i have learned, but come on. it hasnt been fun to hurt. i would enjoy it sooo much more knowing what i do now. (thats kinda cheating-i know)
what about you? if you could go back-to before your first 'big' hearbreak, would you-why or why not?
4.16.2008
put your thinking cap on
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4 comments:
You know every once in a while I think about my exes and think "what if" but then realize then I really don't have an regrets, I just think about how different my life might have been.
I would definitely not go back to before my first 'big' heartbreak...It hurt, and I cried, but I learned SO much from him. I learned about myself, and I learned about the kind of person that I want to be. I learned to pick myself up and wipe myself off after a fall. All completely worth it...
I actually think about this often. I have that same "...if I knew then what I know now..." mentality. I think that my first heartbreak did change me. It made me wiser about men and relationships but it also made me bitter and too hard. I like who I was relationship-wise before my heart was broken. I wish I could have had the learnings from the heartbreak without the bitterness. It has turly made a lot of my relationships that followed more difficult that they needed to be. I try to have that "everything happens for a reason..." thinking but sometimes that doesn't work. So I wouldn't go back, even with the bitterness and difficult relationships, I like who I am now and wouldn't want to change it. It's all in the plan and I want to see how God has this whole thing mapped out.
you've just inspired a new post by ME.... thanks love.
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