taking early retirement

ive decided im taking early retirement from motherhood. cashing in early. collecting my pension. do i get a pension? shoot, i better. eh. yes. its been one of those days, and its only half over.... im blaming it on about 4 hours of sleep-for all of us. emersyn got croup last night in the middle of the night, only she got it so bad that she had to go to the ER b/c she was in 'respiratory distress', my poor little baby. she was terrified. well, and so were we. im a nurse, and have dealt with croup several times, jae had it a lot as a baby and emersyn had it one other time. usually, wrapping them up in a tight blanket and sitting outside in the cold air for a good 15 minutes takes care of it, or sitting in the bathroom with the shower on as hot as you can get it and the door closed-letting it get as steamy as you can will take care of it. but every now and then, it doesnt, and it can be pretty serious and lead to respiratory distress. well, i like to consider myself very calm and collected in emergent type situations for the most part-especially with the kids, b/c showing you alaram only makes them more freaked out....well, kelly slept on my couch last night and he is extremely high strung-or overly cautious. and bless his heart, its not necessarily a bad thing, its just that it sometimes freaks the kids out, b/c he gets so 'excited'....so when he came running into my room at 1am with emersyn saying she 'wasnt breathing' (which she was, just not very well), emersyn was already all worked up b/c daddy was freaking out....he was running out the door to the ER. i was calling to him, half asleep, b/c i knew already at 7pm that she was getting croup. and kelly, didnt believe me. (so there-i wanted to say. but thats beside the point) so finally, i SCREAMED 'KELLY-STOP'. and with big eyes, he looked at me. and i said, 'I AM A NURSE. I KNOW WHAT TO DO. JUST LISTEN TO ME FOR CRYING OUT LOUD'. sometimes i feel like he doesnt give me enough credit when it comes to this stuff, and it hurts my feelings sometimes. i would NEVER put my children in danger-and if i DIDNT know what to do, then by all means, RUN, to the ER...but, i did know what to do. so we wrapped her up and sat outside. by this time, jaelynn had woken up, too....emersyn's breathing was a bit better outside, but as soon as we came back in the house, she couldnt breathe again. and then she said, 'it hurts mommy. right here.' and pointed to her chest. immediately i told kelly to take her to the ER. her breathing was erratic and loud and she was retracting with her belly. croup is a viral illness, and the treatment-if the air outside doesnt work, is usually a nebulizer of albuterol and a neb of steroids to open up the airway. so, kelly called me from the ER and said-that yes, they did those things and took an xray, just to make sure....and she was so brave. at around 230am they got home and my little peanut came waltzing thru the door saying, ' i feel better'. she was sooo brave. when she was having all her kidney problems, she became traumatized of the dr/hospital-so i am fearful every time we go b/c she HATES it. but kell said she didnt cry the whole time. they gave her a popsicle, a stuffed bear, and a million stickers. :) kelly looked at me once we got her settled in bed and said, 'how did you know?' and i said 'how did i know what?' and he said, 'how did you know so early that she was getting croup?' and i said, 'you underestimate me. i am a nurse. she coughed ONE time-and it sounded a bit like a seal-which is the hallmark sign of croup, and knew what was coming. she has had a cold and fever, i am good at my job.'

anyway....she is feeling better today....still feverish. and a very runny nose. but her breathing is better. but boy oh boy. do i have 2 very crabby kids on my hands. agh. i dont feel so hot myself, my stomach has been touchy the last few days and so that doesnt help. i am hoping to get back into wedding talk soon....but that has to mean finances are looking better....and that has to mean the job situation is also looking better....ill keep you posted. mother nature just dumped a good 5 inches of snow on us, just after it all finally melted. :( i want spring!