for a brief moment in time, my heart stopped beating.

emersyn is sick. really sick. it all started last week. she started acting out of sorts. kinda flu-ey. but she just had the puke flu a few weeks ago, so it would be pretty odd for her to get it again so soon. she kept saying that she was going to throw up, but she wouldnt, she was just nauseated. she started to complain of belly pain. she stopped eating. as she laid on the couch next to me last thursday, i began to wonder if she was getting a UTI. in kids, belly pain is often one of the symptoms. shortly after, she started making a lot of trips to the bathroom, but only peeing just a little bit. no fever. kell and i started to really think that yep, she had a UTI. she started to not drink very much in addition to not eating. she was really lazy, and sickly. we took her to the doctor on friday. they tested her urine, which showed some funky stuff-but not an infection. funky stuff significant with some dehydration. her dr. wanted to check a strep test b/c of the belly pain. lo and behold, it was positive. yay, we thought, antiobiotics will take care of the problem. not sure if you all remember, but emersyn is TERRIFIED of the drs. office/hospitals b/c of when she had to have her extensive workup when she was diagnosed with her kidney reflux. she FREAKS OUT as soon as we pull up to the drs. office. so, it is always extremely high stress and a huge ordeal when we have to go through all this....the dr. assured us that by the 2nd dose of antibiotic we should see a vast improvement--which would be that night. she still wasnt eating, but we werent too concerned. we were more concerned about her drinking and her hyrdrating herself. she stayed with kelly that night and saturday morning, i helped kell's sister and mom run a rummage sale. i was outside all day/morning and she slept until 10:30. she was still really sickly, and cuddly. we couldnt get her to do anything. her breath was really stinky, i checked her heart rate-which was really tachy(fast), and her lips were sooo dry they were peeling and cracked. by 3:30pm, she hadnt gone pee in over 24hrs. she was extremely dehydrated. i called the dr--i already knew they were going to tell us to go to the ER so they could give her IV fluids, but I wanted to call and 'update' them. So, we took her to the ER. suprisingly, she was quite calm and barely cried. i think she was just so sick by this time. i was worried about the IV, but the nurse was awesome and got it in right away. they drew some blood work right away, too. they gave her a bag of fluids. and got another urine sample. we were there for about 3 hours. we were under the assumption that as soon as the fluids were done, we could go home-which was what the nurse said. so the bag was done, emersyn perked up--it was amazing. she was like a new kid. she ate 2 popsicles, and kept saying, 'im all better.' it made my heart melt.

then the dr. walked in with this look on his face. 'the lab just called. emersyn's red blood cells are critically low, so we are going to admit her to children's hospital.'

what?! everything stopped. at this point, i wanted to erase all my knowledge as a nurse. its times like this, that you know too much, b/c the worst possible scenarios were going thru my head. first, since i work(ed) at this hospital, i know that anytime the lab calls the dr w/ a lab result, its critical--which is NOT good. second, he told us her HAH(red blood cells) were 7. normal HAH is 12. this was super, super low. i was freaking out. me, the one who is ALWAYS the calm one. i didnt let it show--b/c kelly needed me to be strong--b/c he had no idea what any of this meant. I knew i was probably overreacting, but this was my daughter, and we were just here to IV fluids, and now suddenly our world may be suddenly crashing down on us. whoa. i thought i was going to vomit.

immediately, we made calls to our families to let them know what was going on. we got to children's, where the staff was AMAZING. the dr. came in and talked to us. i was in somewhat of a daze, trying to put things together, hearing the words, 'leaukemia', and 'severely anemic', and 'too much milk' and 'lead' floating in and out of conversations. they came and drew blood. from what the dr. said, she was fairly confident that emersyn was severly anemic from drinking too much milk. (!!!!) but we wouldnt know for sure until her labs came back and until we saw how she started responding to the iron therapy. If the labs came back and didnt show a 'true iron deficiency', then they would have to look elsewhere-which was where the word leaukemia came in--which was such a scary thought.....but.....her labs came back and she literally had ZERO, i mean ZERO iron in her body. which is good-in the fact that they found the cause of the low HAH, but bad b/c she has no iron. The calcium in milk inhibits iron from binding to the RBC's in our body. i didnt know that.....or if they taught that to me in nursing school, i dont remember that.....i mean, who wouldve thought you could drink too much milk....so as a result, her blood count has dropped. its crazy, b/c i recently had told kelly i was worried about how tired and 'lazy' shed been.....well, that explains it. they said her heart is working a lot harder than normal, so she cant finish soccer out either. they started her on a really high dose of iron--which is the NASTIEST tasting and smelling stuff ever invented. bless her heart. she hates taking medicine period, and now she has to take this horrible stuff. its been grueling, but she is getting better at it-bribery is not always a bad thing....

i know this is a super long post.....but i am telling you, it was really scary for a bit--from the time when the ER doc came in with the HAH results to finding out what the actual cause of the anemia was--heartwrenching. i thought of parents who have terminally or chronically ill kids and my heart just broke. it has to be so hard. emersyn kept saying over and over, 'can i go home now?' and, i tell you what, thank GOD for children's hospitals. i am so glad we live in a city that has one. the nurses and drs. and staff are so wonderful--it was absolutely wonderful. they are amazing.