guys have security issues, too...

so, i watched kelly spend over 30 minutes writing two-3 lined thank you cards to dr. s-the orthopod i work with who fixed his arm and to dr. a, the anesthesiologist who over sought his care during surgery. he even wrote a 'practice' version on scrap paper. i was doing the dishes while he sat at the table, reading out loud to me what he was going to write, and i was thinking 'i cannot believe he is taking this long to write this'.....but i didnt say anything, b/c he was trying soo hard.... bless his heart. but, writing has always been kinda easy for me, and we all know how guys are with expressing their feelings.... for the most part anyway. so as i was washing the dishes, i bought up the subject of going out with one of the drs. i work with and his wife on a date one of these nights. he and kell are a lot alike and i think they'd hit it off. (that sounds weird-i mean i think they would get along well. :))immediately kelly says 'no'. agh. i get defensive b/c i feel like he doesnt want to b/c he is intimidated by the status of the word 'doctor'. i mean, i understand it to a point, but i would never put him in an uncomfortable situation or be friends with shallow people. and if there something i cant stand-its judging people. just bc hes a 'doctor' all of the sudden hes 'better' than you? whatever. so i mumbled under my breath about not having a social life and kelly being anti-social. it left my feathers ruffled and we were irritated with each other. i feel like we have no 'friends' b/c he never wants to step out and get to know other people-and its not like we have to do it all the time, but every now and then, like 1 or twice a month, id like to take a break and go on a date by ourselves or with another couple. we NEED that.

so about an hour after he went home, he called and apologized and said that he just feels 'ashamed' and 'embarrassed' b/c of where he is at with his life. the fact that he isnt working right now (b/c of his arm injury-which he has NO control over) and that is living at home-in an effort to get out of debt. he says he doesnt want to tell people that, especially people who are highly 'successful' i.e. doctors....,or that he doesnt know very well. but he says he understands my need to get out and socialize with other couples and they would do it b/c he loves me and as my 'husband' (i know we arent quite there-but you know what i mean). i told him i understand his insecurities, we all have them but these people are MY friends, and would never judge him unfairly. and just b/c they are 'doctors' doesnt mean anything. they, too, have security issues, b/c outside of their profession, they want nothing more than to be treated like regular PEOPLE. instead, people constantly walk on eggshells around them, and are putting on some fake show, being someone they arent. i guess i didnt realize how 'insecure' he felt about all this...but he needn't .... i tried to reassure him. i am a social person-i mean, i am very content with my life, however-i do feel like i need some friends. i really dont have anyone i call up 'just for coffee' or to go grab a drink. or to go to the park with the kids, other thank kelly or my family members. i need to make some friends in this place....and kelly is the opposite, he feels like he needs nothing more than me and the kids. and his family. and thats fine-our needs vary slightly. so anyway, hopefully, i can get him more comfortable in his shoes and to understand that where he is at is nothing to be ashamed of. quite frankly i think he is at a great place in life. hes got ME :) ha ha