why cant i just be 'whelmed'

or underwhelmed? or not-at-all whelmed? i know everyone always says 'God never throws anything at you you cant handle' and i believe that....but sometimes i wonder....i have been thru sooo much-just about everything in my short 27 years. granted-there are PLENTY of people who have had it A LOT worse-dont get me wrong. but sometimes i feel like im at the end of my rope. and i cant handle much more. like if one more thing happens....agh.

im falling apart. near the verge of a nervous breakdown. yep. my eye keeps twitching. (seriously, its driving me crazy). we still havent found a church. im having some 'health' issues-which is nothing really new, my doctors are just taking it a bit farther. i have to have an MRI of my head on wed. i am super nervous. they want to rule out MS. (multiple sclerosis.) i know. serious business. im not sure how i feel about it b/c i refuse to think about it....(nurses and drs. are the WORST patients.) but its out of my hands, and in Gods. i am surrendering it to Him. or trying to anyway. :/ im scared. i wont lie. im sure i am fine, but its one of the most difficult to diagnose diseases known. i have an aunt and second cousin who has it. and a lot of my symptoms that i have been having for the last year + are classic MS symptoms. doesnt necessarily mean anything, but its does worry me some. and...im super claustorphobic. my MRI of my back was only 20 min-and they had a hard time with me....and this will take at least an hour and a half....my dr. called me in some ativan-but ive taken that for panic attacks before, and it really doesnt do a whole lot to 'calm' or 'sedate' me....so the anxiety is steadily building. ive talked to some of the anesthesia docs and they said theyd block some extra time on wed. in case they need to come and sedate me....which im sure is going to be the case.

and now my garage door broke tonight. for like the umpteenth time. currently, kelly and my dad are going on um...2 hours outside trying to fix it and ahem....the last i checked, it was in much worse shape than it started. so its not looking good. and did i mention that its 30 degrees outside? with flurries? yeah. cold.

my running has been on hold for the last week b/c i was sick last week due to getting my flu shot and then getting sick as a result of my flu shot....and now they want me to 'hang tight' until they figure out whats wrong with me. so, for those who believe in God, say a prayer for me....