crash into me

just when i thought things couldnt get any worse.....they have. i lost my job today. not going to get into the messy details. just that it happened. and i feel like my life has come crashing down. officially. down. all wedding talk will cease here for a while....

can i just say that all the years i spent wishing my parents were 'cooler' or 'not so strict', or all the years i wish i had 'so and so's parents' b/c they were 'so cool' were the dumbest years ever? because i have the most amazing parents ever. they have supported me and stood by me in my darkest hours. no matter how many times i have hurt them (and its been a lot), they have never, never left my side. and they have never failed me. my mom stopped over unannounced today and pulled me out of my bed, literally. and hugged me. and held me. and i made her leave. and i know she didnt take it personally b/c she knew i needed to be by myself. my daddy came over 5 hrs later and bought me a rose and some soup. and a card. and held me. and cried. its the first time ive ever seen my dad cry. ever. that hurt. but i realized how much i am loved in those moments. i mean, i never doubted it, but sometimes among my 5 other sisters, i get jealous of them.....how can i not? they are wonderful. but the truth is, they love us each, in our own way. me, b/c i am beautifully broken. my dad and i sat for an hour and a half and talked about what next. and the hugest weight was lifted off my chest when he left. not just knowing that my earthly father (and mother) love me sooo incredibly much, but that my Heavenly Father love me so much. i am far from okay, but the cloud has lifted, and i know that God has a plan somehow and somewhere in all this.

and also, not just the most amazing parents, but family and friends too. thank you for your love.
its quite possible that i may be out of blogosphere for a while-due to not having a job-dont worry the hunt is on...but until i find one, i need to cancel my internet and save where i can....so i may be MIA for a while.....but have no fear-its not goodbye, just goodnight....