resigned.

well, after having somewhat of a nervous breakdown this weekend, i have realized that i need to get it together. yep. i was an emotional wreck all day yesterday. chalk it up to some looonnngg over due PMS-or tears. i havent cried in a long time, and i guess i just needed to do that. and i guess i really needed to deal with some things that have been on the surface-but not really dealt with....my mom kinda woke me up to it, in her kind loving mom way. *sigh*. of course, i wanted to be mad at her-only b/c i knew she was right, but after crying, and crying and well, more crying. i sat down and reality set in. i need to get my shit toghether. aka, my finances. its nearly impossible to plan this wedding if i cant make it paycheck to paycheck....so i sat down with my finances and kell, and made our plan.

i wallowed for a while, b/c once again, the realization that all things i want for my wedding are not going to happen. but then, i hopped on my little bloggy, and found some of my favs, and realized that hey-there are TONS of things i can do MYSELF that are just as neat and elegant-without having to spend an arm and a leg. so my spirits have lifted some and i have a new attitude.

kell and i also had a looonnng talk on our 'swing'. its this swing in my garage, which is its resting place for the winter. we often go sit out there all bundled up when we need to talk about stuff away from the kids....we have some of our best talks here. and worst....but its become an important place for us. we laugh and cry (well i do) and lean on each other. we caroused the internet and looked at silly stuff.

i really need to get motivated and start working out again. agh. ive been on strike since my duathalon at the end of october. im afraid to even attempt to run right now. its just soooo cold out right now and my Y membership expired. i wish it would get warm out. and clearly that is going to happen um, never. im feeling a little fluffy right now, but cant get motivated. blah.

if i had a wii, itd be another story. i want one sooo bad. am madly addicted to guitar hero like an addict is to crack. its not good. kelly, too. we spent the afternoon at his sister's yesterday and the both of us ended up being poor company b/c we were so addicted to the game, you couldnt tear us away. such craziness. who knew??