my precious child.........

i amdist a family crisis with my 7 yr old. its hard to blog about bc i honestly feel like i have failed her as a mother. i called kelly up in tears last night-saying that i cant do it anymore. i dont know what to do. its no secret that she has some deep rooted behavorial issues. and i dont know what to do. we have taken her to a counselor. ive blogged about it some-but without going into all the sordid details, she has some issues. she has a lot of anxiety issues, anger managment issues, issues with her real dad not being a part of her life. and according to the counselors, i am doing 'everything right'-but WHY then, am i still having all these problems? i am at a loss. i cry almost every night, b/c i dont know what to do. i love her so much and am so scared of what will come of my precious child. any time she gets mad-she loses control and it turns into a 'i want a new family, and put me up for adoption', or 'im going to jump out of the window'. she bangs her head against the wall. kicks the door so hard stuck falls off the wall. and a lot of people i talk to say, 'oh all kids do this'. well-i know kids throw temper tantrums. but there is an extreme. and jaelynn is it. its not a normal thing. she really has some emotional issues. shes sooo young. we talk about things, we communicate, and i give her more attention than emersyn b/c of how 'needy' she can be, but its never enough. i sometimes feel sucked dry. she turns a simple conversation into a battle. punishment-like grounding her and loss of privelages-dont seem to phase her. imagine what you see on nanny 911, thats what its like during one of her meltdowns. but friends, and the counselors see her, and often dont see this side of her....its only when its just the family. when i ask her why this is-she says, 'bc i dont want to be embarrassed.' perplexing. they see an extremely gifted child-who is in gifted classes at school, who loves to talk, and play. she has tons of friends at school, is very easy going. the counselor sees her emotional issues-jaelynn openly talks to her about them...but....outwardly she is so 'put together'so its puzzling to them. i feel like an evil woman. i dont know what to do. i am at a loss. completely. i have prayed. i have read SEVERAL books, several. even gone to seminars. i have talked to my parents. kelly has asked his family for advice. do i call the cops on her to 'scare' her? i couldnt imagine it....but what do i do?????

i have tried everything. i have ignored her in her temper tantrums-thinking she'll just tire out eventually. but she doesnt. she just finds something more destructive to do, and eventually i cant ignore her, b/c i am fearful for her safety-like when she bangs her head on the door. I have tried to be the 'forceful' mom to scare her. and it doesnt phase her. i am at wits end. i have faithfully been seeking God on this--but am not sure what else to do.....i feel like such a failure as a mother, i dont know what or where i have gone with her. she has always been so headstrong. from day one.....

dont get the wrong idea. if you met jaelynn, you would love her. she has this pull that people just cant resist....she can charm the pants off you....she is a beautiful little girl, and she does have an amazing heart. she is spunky and knows the most incredible little tidbits....so crazily intelligent. i love her soo much and it hurts so much, bc i know she is hurting....and i dont know how to fix her......